Tuesday, 22 March 2016

Nudism Special

WARNING: Explicit photos of naked idiots doing very stupid things.

Believe It Or Not! Nudism Special

Believe it or not... some nudists don't have a problem showing everything in public places - but refuse to take off their glasses!

Believe it or not... the average IQ of nudists is less than that of a brain-damaged chimp!

Believe it or not... some nudists actually look like primates!

Believe it or not... the mortality rate among snow nudists is around 100%!

Believe it or not... snow nudists are negotiating with Nepalese and Chinese governments to allow for a nudist camp at the peak of Mount Everest!

Believe it or not... 90% of all snow nudists drop from hypothermia already at 3,000 m above sea level when climbing Mount Everest. The other 10% drop 5 minutes later at 3,011 meters!

Believe it or not... some female nudists breast-feed their nudist offspring upside-down because they believe that if milk is drunk that way, it will make the baby fart less!

Believe it or not... male nudists with a BMI over 50 never get laid on nudist beaches - even though 99% of all female nudists are sluts!

Believe it or not... nudists f*** and reproduce like bunnies!

Believe it or not... only 93.8% of all children who grow up in a nudist environment end up as junkies, prostitutes, pedophiles, rapists or swingers!

Believe it or not... camel nudists wear less clothes than the animals that are forced to ride them around!

Believe it or not... skydiving nudists - who refuse to wear parachutes out of principle - nearly always fall down at speeds up to 1000 km/h, crushing at least 100 bones in their body, and end up looking like pancakes!

Believe it or not... nudists with a BMI of 50 or higher, who can't be transported by either airplane or helicopter due to their enormous size, are forced to borrow ladders from where they pursue their skydiving hobby! The landing is usually relatively soft, so that obese skydiving nudists can continue their hobby, unlike their (much) skinnier counterparts. "Falling on my ass is like falling on a huge soft pillow," says one such ladder-skydiving BMI-scale-crushing nudist.

Believe it or not... the quality of sex for nudists is directly proportional with how many people are gawking at them while they're involved in the exhibitionistic mating ritual. Couples who have sex with nobody watching are known to fall into depression and even throw themselves into the mouths of sharks!

Believe it or not... nudists are sometimes so desperate for attention that they will go into dangerous waters, hoping that at least some sharks and octopi get to see them naked! Some nudists even claim that sea urchins and starfish gawk at them, even though there is approximately zero scientific evidence for it.

Believe it or not... nudists sometimes rush off into spontaneous stampedes! That usually happens when at least 65% of the herd hasn't had sex in a whole hour or feel they haven't received enough attention from gawkers. The running helps them attract attention which increases chances of spontaneous mating with a stranger.

Believe it or not... some nudist herds start off a stampede just because one of them falsely thought he heard someone shout "massive orgy 100 meters from here". It is enough for one herd member to think they heard this, and the rest of the herd follow suit like mindless zombies!

Believe it or not... when a horny herd stops running, realizing that the stampede was in vain because there is no orgy anywhere around, they are so tired that they simply stand around looking dazed and confused!

Believe it or not... a woman with breast implants is 11 times more likely to show off her shitty fake boobs than a woman with pretty, natural breasts!

Believe it or not... a man with a huge penis is 28 times more likely to become a nudist than a man with a tiny penis, and 9 times more likely than a man with an average-sized penis! Nudists with large penises are often seen posing in the middle of the beach, seeking attention from gawkers, jealous males, and horny female nudists.

Believe it or not... when playing golf on nudist camps, nudists are allowed to use the penis as a putter! When a woman uses her partner's penis to hit the ball, it usually leads to spontaneous sex which leads to pregnancy or VDs, depending on the nudists.

Believe it or not... before commencing a mass beach orgy, nudists form a large circle in hope of being seen from space by astronauts and satellites, the way the Great Wall of China is seen!

Believe it or not... when a female nudist sees a small erection, she smiles and pretends she doesn't notice it! The male nudist suspects that his erection is being ignored because it is too small, and struggles to smile along. An hour later, his lifeless body is taken out of the mouth of a shark.

Believe it or not... only 1 out of 17 nudists manages to solve a crossword puzzle - even puzzles that have a 5-letter limit or are written for children!

Believe it or not... Islam condones nudism, but the requirements are that the women are covered in black garments from head to toe, and never enter the water unless their husbands expressly allow them to do so in a written statement signed by the local imam. The signature cannot be obtained without a 5-year waiting period, and must be signed with the blood of a heretic!

Believe it or not... once a Sharia-law Muslim woman nudist finally gets approval to bathe in a sea or ocean after waiting 5 years to have her permission papers signed by her local imam with the blood of a non-believer, her clothes often "blow up" in the water! This attracts male sperm whales who approach the beach to try to mate with the married Muslim woman. But because she is married, by Sharia law the woman is at fault if a whale tries to sexually molest her, and if caught mating with a whale (other than her fat whale of a husband) she is pronounced guilty of adultery by a hastily organized mob council and sentenced to stoning. The execution doesn't take 5 years, but is in fact carried out within an hour of her last contact with the whale - or as soon as the mob finds enough rocks.

Believe it or not... when watching Animal Planet, three out of five nudists think it's a nudist channel for animals!

Believe it or not... when nudists engage in tug-of-war, any female member of the winning team usually falls onto the erect penis of the man standing behind her, after which they engage immediately in sex! It is for this reason that the tug-of-war teams are always arranged in alternating sexual order, male, female, male, female, male, female etc to increase the chance of accidental boning. Viagra is handed out before-hand.

Believe it or not... ugly women with great-looking breasts are 17 times more likely to become nudists than beautiful women with great-looking breasts!

Believe it or not... when not involved in masturbation, public posing, or staring at each other's wet genitals, nudists like to sing Kumbaya to the tune of Madonna songs!

Believe it or not... hiking nudists refuse to climb higher than 1900 meters above sea level because the air there is so rare that they can't have sex for 5 hours at a time as they are used to!

Believe it or not... when hiking nudists ask for directions, they always first ask whether there is a nearby mountain-top shaped like a penis onto which they can sit and rest!

Believe it or not... when hiking nudists get lost and don't know which direction to take, they use the biggest penis in the group as a compass! Sometimes, none of the penises can get up (due to an excessive amount of shagging or monkey-pulling during the trip), so the women use their vaginas to find direction. The pubic hair is believed to point North at all times, although some nudist tribes believe that the pubic hair is pointing toward the nearest beach orgy.

Believe it or not... nearly all nudists have some bullshit New Age close-with-nature Buddhist excuse about spirituality for why they love to show their tits and genitals in public, and very rarely admit to going naked just because they're sexually-deviant attention-seekers.