Sunday, 30 June 2013

Dido & Norah Jones



Music Tips For The Modern Pregnant Yuppie

Being a woman, being a pregnant woman, being a pregnant yuppie, you don't want any of that damn heavy metal noise polluting your ears. Bruce Springsteen may be a brilliant musician, but his loud death metal sounds are too unsubtle for you during those 9 months. You can always go back to the New Jersey peasant when you have the time and energy to go to that hang-out bar where all his truck-driving fans hang out, like your loving ex-husband whose seed you now carry.

What you want is something so calm it will put you and the baby right to sleep. Norah Jones is the ideal Artist for that. Her gentle voice, so placid it can barely be heard, combined with listless instruments so softly stroked by her sleepy band, make for an experience so mild that it barely exists.

Check out her new album, Calm Silence, where she displays her entire musical spectrum, which ranges from soothing jazz to restful blues. Indeed, so seamlessly do the tracks flow into one another that one doesn't even notice those 3-second breaks between songs. This ethereal album is like one long note of silent tenderness. The music is like a bee humming joyfully in fields covered with flowers – and all of this happening about 1500 km away from you. Can you hear it? Nearly. Almost. And that is the beauty of it.

A song that really stands out – well, it doesn't so much stand as lie down and sleep for a week -  is "                ". It is such a tender little pop/jazz ballad that it can't even be heard properly in the first 20-30 tries, and that is why it has its elusive non-title. After the 31st listen you might hear something, but that could just as well be a hallucination (or your cat purring). It isn't without reason that they also call her "The Queen Of Silence". Buy it. It is honest music, coming from the soul, and the soul is quiet as we all know. Quite frankly, this music is so honest it hurts.






You might also want to check out some albums from her more raunchy past as an Artist. The image was different but the trademark drowsiness is there.

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Norah's only real threat in the world of audio apathy is Dido. Should whisper-singing performed by a semi-cute bimbo appeal to you, do not limit yourself to just Norah. Dido is a blonde - and so is her music. Brilliant texts that will have your eyes gushing with tears, that deal with a huge variety of topics such as lost love, found love, failed relationships, bad relationships, semi-bad relationships, sad break-ups, and unrequited love. But unlike Norah, Dido colours her hair blonde. Oh, we mentioned that already… Well, we can't think of anything else, which is exactly why fans of either star should check out the other. Perhaps it should be also mentioned that Dido wears high heels occasionally, whereas Norah puts on sneakers mostly. And… Oh, yes: Dido is four months older. 

On her brilliant new album, Love Songs About Love, Dido shows her entire brilliant vocal range. On some songs she talks and on some she whispers, but with a sort of quasi-nasal pitch that only birds, some dogs, and the tone-deaf can hear. And they are all brilliant. My favourite must be "I Loved You, Too", in which Dido whisper-sings about a guy with whom she had a failed romance, telling us how he loved her and how she loved him, too. Another brilliant and amazingly unique highlight is "Missed You So Much", where she digs very deep into her innermost feelings to find out whether she indeed does miss her boyfriend so very much. But the first single is the brilliant "Fallen Out Of Love", the best song ever recorded, in which she generously shares with the listeners how she fell out of love with a man she used to date once! Simply brilliant. Though maybe not quite as brilliant as the opener, "How Brilliant Is Your Love", which has to be my all-time Dido favourite, ever, and which deals with how Dido once experienced love with an ex that was brilliant.



 

Dido's artist name doesn't stem from her torrid affair with Dodi Al-Fayed. "Dido" is short for "ding-dong". However, "ding-dong" doesn't stand for "repetitious monotony" but was the nickname given to her by her parents because she used to ring on people's doors, offering sexual services for cash. It is by this miraculous and wonderful coincidence that she got discovered by a music producer. The world would perhaps have never heard her enchanting voice had this man not said 'yes' to her gaping mouth. 

We also hotly recommend some of Dido's earlier albums, released at a time when she was still establishing herself as an Artist. The image was different, but love was still very much the focal point.



 

Thursday, 27 June 2013

UFOs: 21 Reasons Not To Believe Any Of That Bullshit


 

First of all, this list isn't intended for rosy-glassed dreamers, i.e. people who have a powerful need to believe in piffle such as witches, ghosts, the Yeti, and the Loch Ness monster. Such people can't be reasoned with, too deep is their flawed thinking, and too strong is their desire to believe at all cost. They feel as if the world isn't interesting or fascinating enough as it is, so they need additional inventions and made-up toys, fantasies picked out of thin air; sort of the way a lonely young boy invents an imaginary pal. Be my guest; be as self-deluded as you feel your bored mind requires it, but don't try to then sell that nonsense to the rest of us who have a smidgen of common sense. 

The text is intended more for people who are still unsure, and for those who are new to the subject and don't even know where to start. This is as good a place as any to start - especially considering the multitude of bullshit that one can find on the net on this subject.
 

Secondly, let's get one thing straight. The abbreviation "U.F.O." means no more and no less than "unidentified flying object". It does NOT mean "alien ship". People who equate the term "UFO" solely with flying vessels populated with little green men are semi-literate cave-people. Hence, the question of whether one believes in UFOs or not is an extremely stupid one. It's not hard to believe in unidentified objects, flying or not.
 

UFOs do indeed exist. Visiting alien aircraft do not. Big difference.
 

Thirdly, not believing in alien ships visiting Earth is NOT the same as believing that aliens don't exist elsewhere in the universe. Those are two very separate issues, and yet many people confuse them. The laws of probability tell us that there is a high likelihood that there are many alien species strewn all over the universe. Trouble is, they're pretty much just as stuck where they are as we here on Earth.
 

Here's why green monsters can't visit us, and why UFO fans are deluded. 





Bored as hell, watching videos all day.
1. INTERSTELLAR AND INTERGALACTIC DISTANCES ARE TOO GREAT
 

The chance that our own Solar System has any kind of other life - much less intelligent space-faring life - is extremely slim. At best, there might be a few bacteria lounging about here and there. I don't see bacteria building ships and anal-probing humans any time soon. (Bacteria can enter our asses with much less hassle than that.)

The odds that life exists in any of the nearby star systems is almost as low. The odds that any such life would constitute of highly advanced space-travelers is so low it's practically negligible.

Now consider this word "nearby": it's highly misleading. The distances between any two neighbouring i.e. "nearby" solar systems (particularly in our part of the galaxy) are so enormous that you'd require these "nearby" aliens to be able to travel at the speed of light in order to get here - and even then they'd still need to travel for several years. For aliens visiting us from much further solar systems, we're talking hundreds, thousands, and even millions of years of traveling at the speed of light. Why would they fucking bother?

The speed of light has a very nasty catch inasmuch as that Einstein's most famous formula makes it practically impossible to accelerate anything bigger than a grain of sand to go that fast. Accelerating an entire ship to such a speed would require nothing less than physics of the impossible i.e. more energy than anyone can even imagine let alone harness. I for one do not believe that any species in our universe, no matter how smart, can achieve the impossible because that would make them god-like. And I don't believe in supreme beings of any kind (that's another bullshit human invention, but not the subject here).


Besides, have you any idea how many risks interstellar space holds for ANY living being? Read up some physics as opposed to watching those cretinous History Channel UFO programs. Traveling through interstellar space for even relatively short amounts of time would be a huge challenge for even the brightest bug-eyed green monsters. The almost-vacuum of space is an incredibly hostile environment, and yet UFOlogists prefer not to take that into consideration. Or they simply give their fictional aliens the ability to breath and/or exist in vacuum (usually naked), or some such fanciful nonsense.

The lazy offhand argument that "aliens had already solved all these technical difficulties" simply doesn't hold water because UFOlogists haven't yet proven the existence of ONE alien race, yet already they go a step further and assign these very fictional creatures abilities. UFOlogists can't even prove the bare-bones basics upon which their entire belief-system is centered, and yet they already jump to conclusions such as this.

There has to be a limit - a ceiling - to technological progress, otherwise all "advanced" living things have the potential of becoming gods, i.e. complete masters of their own (and others') destiny. To simply assume that technological advancement is limitless reveals an extraordinary lack of understanding of the harsh environment that surrounds us, i.e. the very brutal, essentially anti-life cosmos. It is preposterously naive thinking, revealing an arrogance that is typical of people who feel bigger than they really are - refusing or unable to realize their ultimate insignificance in the vastness of the multiverse.




So damn incompetent, these geniuses.
2. WHY WOULD ALIENS PLAY HIDE-AND-SEEK WITH US?

The whole notion of intelligent alien beings traveling for years, decades or even centuries to reach Earth - just in order to then hide from us - makes no sense in the least. The "non-interference directive" is a goofy, idealistic invention by the writers of Star Trek, not an actual "interstellar law" passed in some imagined "Intergalactic Parliament Of Planets". I am highly suspicious of any suggestions that aliens would give a flying f**k about it i.e. actually care whether they'd be interfering in our oh-so precious development or not.

If aliens visited us, simple common sense suggests that they might not be nearly as concerned about being seen as some paranoid humans believe. It'd make much more sense to assume that such space-faring aliens would be so superior to us that they wouldn't have the least need to hide - since they wouldn't have any reason to fear us.


And if they did have the need to hide, for whatever reasons, wouldn't they be successful at it?

But I guess many people have trouble separating the world of real science and common sense from the world of Hollywood and sci-fi pulp. There is no denying the tremendous influence that sci-fi novels but especially movies, computer games and TV shows have had on the psyches of people who lean more easily toward succumbing to bullshit.
 
"Ok... When I'm done counting I'm gonna start lookin' for ya!... If I don't find you in three minutes I will just have to assume that you were abducted by little green aliens and will phone The National Enquirer!"

Jumping to conclusions: a favourite pastime of nearly all UFOlogists.

The true reason why nearly all aliens are portrayed as hide-and-seeking, overly shy retards is obvious:
it's a self-serving argument that allows UFOlogists to not have to present any physical proof of their visitations - which in turn enables them to perpetuate this idiotic myth ad nauseum.




3. THESE ALIENS WOULD HAVE TO BE AS POWERFUL AS GODS
 

To simply assume casually that there must be creatures out there that have almost no technological limitations (and any distant-star aliens that could reach Earth would have to have such absurd powers by definition) is incredibly naive - and reveals very lazy thinking and a lack of common sense.

For any species to conquer space to the extent where they can travel anywhere they want, while using ultra-mega-giga-guga-speeds or space-bending/space-cheating methods, places them on an equal footing with any fictional gods we humans had ever invented.

It's highly questionable whether any living being can devise a way to get anywhere close to traveling at the speed of light, and yet there are many UFOlogists out there who foolishly believe in warp speeds and other such nonsense, i.e. speeds that even go way beyond the speed of light. Proof? None. For some people (i.e. retards) Star Trek is education rather than mindless entertainment.


If we give these fictitious aliens god-like powers then they ARE gods, for all practical purposes. And if they're gods, then they can't be aliens i.e. living beings like us. Then they are gods, period. We cannot confuse the two, because they're mutually exclusive. If aliens are all-powerful then they can't be mere mortals so they must be gods. Quite f**king simple. You can't have your cake and it too.

UFOlogists simply make a series of wishful-thinking-based assumptions based on non-observable "facts", wild guesses, and highly dubious "proofs", then reach far-fetched fanciful conclusions that simply have no basis in reality whatsoever, i.e. are utterly and totally unscientific. Just like regular church-goers.
   

Religious people who believe in little green aliens can be forgiven, because they'd left logic and sense at the door a while ago, but those of you who call yourselves "atheists" and still believe in all this shit - you've got no excuse. You are quasi-atheists. It might even be considered logical for religious folk to buy into UFO mythology. It's the non-religious folk who believe in all this crap that are the real fools in all this. 

Belief in all-powerful aliens is in no way different than belief in a supernatural creature that controls the universe. Both systems of thinking are guided by the same or similar disregard for logic, evidence (i.e. lack of it) and science, and are fueled by mere wishful thinking.




4. UFOLOGY IS JUST ANOTHER (NEW) RELIGION

There are many aspects of UFOlogy that doubtlessly define it as a religion, and its adherents as religious fanatics.

1) Many of them will miss no opportunity to negate the belief system of any religion they are not part of. They take/hijack/borrow aspects of other religions (Jesus descending from Heaven etc) and give those events new spins, new interpretations for which they cannot offer any evidence. That's exactly how Christianity was born: by giving Judaism a new spin. That's exactly how Islam was born: by giving a new spin to Christianity. Now UFOlogists are in the process of creating (or have already done so) yet another religion based on those before them. This is/was achieved by taking a new spin on Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism and any other religion they can get their grubby hands on.

Just like every other religion, UFOlogy often sees existing religions as its "competition", its rivals. Of course, some UFOlogists cheat by staying "faithful" to their previous religions, desperately trying to make a plausible connection between some religion (e.g. Christianity) and this new UFO nonsense. Sometimes UFOlogists fight competing religions just as hard as they fight science. This is nothing new: competing religions have been fighting each other for thousands of years. 
They also (mis)use certain aspects of other religions and science whenever it suits them i.e. they twist facts and non-facts to make them forcibly fit their own UFO bullshit theories.

2) Any belief in creatures whose existence hasn't been proven at all falls into supernatural belief. Leprechauns, ghosts, witches, Santa, Bigfoot, vampires, trolls, the Yeti. We can add little green ass-probing aliens to that group, easily.

3) UFOlogists make up their own rules when it comes to their pseudo-science, much like the Vatican in the Middle Ages. Catholic popes had insisted the Earth was flat - simply because it looked flat to the casual observer - just as a UFOlogist will ignore even the most basic scientific principles simply because they interfere with his dreams/hopes/fantasies of greenish aliens visiting Earth, simply because he sees a photo of a UFO.
Is there any evidence of faster-than-light travel? No. It's all pure speculation. Is there any evidence that worm-holes can actually - not theoretically - be used for covering vast distances in short amounts of time? No. Yet UFOlogists had already decided that this is easily achievable and that our fictional green "neighbours" already have that capacity. Proof? None.

Just because the universe is so vast does not mean that ANYTHING will or can happen in it - especially within the relatively narrow stretch of time during which our Solar System has been in existence.

Just like other religions, UFOlogy picks and chooses the parts of science that suits it, and discards the rest as "rubbish" - or very childishly pretends it isn't there.

Just like other religions, UFOlogists dabble in pseudo-science, wanting so badly to be taken seriously by the scientific community, but they fail miserably because their methods are anything but scientific.

4) Many former Christians are now UFOlogists. Did they become atheists? No. They merely switched religions. It is very rare for believers to become total non-believers; that rarely happens. Religious folk who abandon the religion handed to them at birth usually replace it with something else that is equally unintellectual yet promising of bliss, glory and adventure: Marxism, UFOlogy, New Age esoteric nonsense, i.e. anything else that can fill that lust for religious belief - a void that is always there in such individuals.

Many current Christians have become UFOlogists. Sometimes people who already exist within a religious system adopt UFOlogy as a sort of "additional fun plaything" that makes Jesus even more interesting. 

"Hey, we thought Jesus was cool for dying for our sins, but how about Jesus being an alien from planet Zong! Wow, how cool is that!"

5) Just like Creationists, UFOlogists insist that they have "abundant evidence" of the hogwash they believe in. In fact, just like those desperate, luckless Creationists, UFO aficionados have absolutely nothing. Zilch. Nada. No proof whatsoever. 

That is why they are so loud and persistent - because bullshit can be swallowed only when force-fed - and for a long period of time. Liars always shout the loudest.

Don't give in to bullshit. Don't be a sheep.

6) Like other religious fanatics, UFOlogists are driven by emotion, not rational thought. Just as Christians, Moslems, or Jews, UFOlogists are driven by the need to believe. This incredibly strong urge overrides any logic, facts, or science. UFOlogy is a security blanket for its adherents.
"What did you say...? There are no aliens among us?... But I NEED my aliens! You're lying. That's it, you're a liar. You're full of shit, you non-believer!"

7) Christians and Moslems have God who knows and controls everything. Certain UFOlogists have god-like aliens that know and control everything.



5. SURELY ALIENS HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN RAM THINGS UP OUR ASSES

The notion that an ultra-mega-guga-giga-developed species would bother traveling all the way from whatever corner of our galaxy (or even sillier - a different galaxy!) just to see what our bumholes look like from the inside, implies that these aliens are either: 1) utter idiots, (which wouldn't make sense), or 2) shit/ass-fetishists.

If you want to believe in green insect-like genius shit/ass-fetishists that roam the universe looking for bums to poke into, then be my guest. Just don't try to inject science into it because you frankly only end up making yourself look even dumber. 

Just so you don't think I am being too flippant about this, consider the fact that many alleged abduction victims/witnesses whose stories are taken seriously by many UFOlogists have stories that entail ass-probing and the like.

The fact that aliens are often portrayed as ass-probing perverts tells us in no uncertain terms that this rather unscientific idea stems from the mind of some silly, clueless, imaginative science-challenged human, and not from any actual "abducted victim survivor" of an anal probe.


The idea of anal-probing can be traced back to the very human fear of rape (the one way with which both sexes can be sexually assaulted): perhaps that's all it is. Having your bum-hole forcibly poked is the ultimate physical intrusion, which might be why this cretinous anal-probing shtick made it all the way into UFO lore. "What would make aliens truly frightening? If they raped us!"

 
UFOlogists project their own sexual obsessions, perversions and fear onto their fictional alien darlings, and that includes rape. 

This is similar to how they project their own sense of aesthetics i.e. their own subjective expectations on how aliens should look. As a result, aliens are most often either spielbergian or insect-like, depending on whether the UFOlogist in question wants his aliens peace-loving and "cute" or violent and fear-inducing. Because many people are disgusted and afraid of insects they choose to view aliens that way.

An insect-like alien obsessed with the urge to stick metal objects into humans? 
What normal people laugh at, UFOlogists take as a very probable fact.

Then again, as a friend of mine pointed out, perhaps aliens know of some secrets that the human ass might hold - especially the bum-hole of an American redneck. Perhaps the meaning of life itself is to be found up our comically-designed fannies, and these smart aliens know it (but obviously aren't capable of obtaining that knowledge too speedily hence keep coming back for more probes).
 

Other behavioural stereotypes attributed to all these highly fictional alien invaders are usually just as dumb.

Apparently these highly-advanced beings are too stupid to analyze humans without having to stick large metal objects into them. That's what's called "wanting to have your cake and eat it too" (a phrase I am forced to use on several occasions in this text) i.e. one of many blatant contradictions in UFOlogy. 

How would a typical UFOlogist respond to this? He'd probably say "we cannot know the ways of the aliens", which is just about the same as "the Lord moves in mysterious ways" i.e. yet another parallel with religions.






6. HOW THE HELL WOULD DISTANT ALIENS EVEN KNOW EARTH HAS LIFE?

Any travel-happy aliens would first have to know about our existence before wasting tremendous energy, resources and time on getting all the way here.

The surest way - and also the only way - they could find out about us are radio-waves. They travel at the speed of light, i.e. have a speed limit. I.e. they take a helluva long time to get around in the unimaginably large universe we inhabit.

The earliest radio signals produced by humans (and sent into outer space) are just over 100 years old. This means that only those planets that exist within a 100-light-year radius from us would be able to detect them hence find out about us. There are extremely few planets within this radius.
Back in the 50s, when aliens supposedly massively visited us, that radius was even smaller.

Keep in mind also that any aliens receiving our radio-waves right now for the first time would need over 100 years to reach us - and that's assuming that they'd developed ultra-mega-guga-giga spaceships that travel at the speed of light, which is an assumption that cannot simply be made off-hand, based on the cliche notion that ALL aliens must be super-advanced and make humans seem like dumb insects by comparison.

On the other hand, the fanciful and highly romantic notion that aliens simply roam the galaxy randomly, like Hollywood cowboys roaming the prairie, looking for undiscovered bums to anally probe, is asinine. "They just happen to have bumped into Earth". Surely, any intelligent beings would be just as limited by resources, vast distances and the very limiting laws of physics us we are, hence would travel only to regions where they more-or-less know what to expect. The idea that an alien ship would just HAPPEN to bump randomly into our solar system must have been concocted by someone who sees the universe as being the size of a watermelon.

To negate this simple and obvious scientific fact (that laws of physics limit us ALL) would be to consider aliens as powerful as gods. And I've already covered that nonsense.
 






7. YOU CAN'T HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO

Either your green bugs are utterly superior or they're just as clumsy and stupid as we are. Make up your damn mind.

UFO fanatics believe in mega-guga-giga-advanced ultra-intelligent species that are able to do pretty much anything they want i.e. creatures with limitless powers.

And yet, these same UFOlogists also believe that such advanced, practically perfect beings (for whom we must appear as mere ants) would be stupid and clumsy enough to be detected while trying to hide from us, and that they'd actually be sloppy enough to leave clues of their visits for anybody to find (especially village idiots, kids, and drunks who somehow always seem to be around when an alien spaceship lands somewhere in rural Kansas).

Surely, such advanced creatures would have no problems whatsoever in ensuring that they not be detected or seen by any single human if they choose to - and yet there are thousands of alleged sightings of these "secretive aliens".

This contradiction is blatant and moronic, and gives insight into the child-like thinking of UFOlogists. They are constantly bending and twisting logic to suit their own ends.






This sort of shit is the best they've got.
8. ALL OF THE "PROOFS" ARE BLURRY

If you think the blurriness is a coincidence, then you're an even bigger fool than Sean Penn.

In this day and age, when any idiot can produce crystal-clear photos and videos with the cheapest cameras, there is absolutely no excuse that UFO sightings still always turn out to be shit-looking.

The reason why they're always blurry - and always will be - is the same as why all Loch Ness monster clips are blurry, and why Bigfoot always looks like a distant blurry man dressed in a shoddy ape-suit: because all of it is bullshit designed to make money, or attract attention.
 
Proofs don't get any proofier than this amazing piece of evidential proofanity. The science of proofifying very evident evidence is an activity UFOlogist proof-meisters have fine-tuned into a perfect art.

Every single "alien ship" photo and film-footage has been disproved as being either fake, as physical phenomena that can be explained scientifically, as a military craft, or a result of various optical illusions. UFOlogists flat out LIE when they say this isn't the case.


UFOlogists trust their own senses more than they do science - and that alone tells us how clueless they are, and how little they understand about the human senses i.e. how flawed and unreliable they can be. 

Fact is, UFO desperates still haven't got an iota of physical proof, or a photo or anything whatsoever. This is where their bullshit comes in: when you're stuck without evidence, then bullshit, religious fervour, cheap sensationalism, and lies are all you've got left.




9. IF THIS BUFFOON TELLS YOU SOMETHING - BELIEVE THE OPPOSITE

The art of NOT jumping to conclusions. Calm, rational, truthful, scientific analysis is what this man and his goons are about...


Just look at this baby-faced charlatan with his silly attention-grabbing hair and ridiculous solarium tan. Would you actually believe ANYTHING someone like this said?

He is a litmus test for bullshit. He is the bullshit meme of our age. And it's no coincidence that a prominent UFOlogist had become a meme for bullshit.

If he had been born 150 years earlier, he would have been one of those scoundrels who sold fake medicine bottles to the desperately ill. Every generation has its brigade of charlatans and crooks, and it is our job to weed them out, point them out, and make them stay out - of science. It's not our job to foolishly fall for their bullshit.


The History Channel once started out as a documentary channel, but has recently degenerated into yet another tool of intentional dumbing-down of the increasingly stupid masses, because bullshit sells much better than truth. People love their bullshit; they prefer to be lied to.




10. THE NON-EXISTENT "ANCIENT ALIENS" WERE SUPPOSEDLY INFINITELY POWERFUL, WHILE OUR ANCESTORS ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN EXCEPTIONALLY USELESS

Ancient-Aliens UFOlogists cannot give ANY credit to our human ancestors - for anything. They strip ancient civilizations of ALL achievements - just so they can advance their infantile horseshit theories. In their eyes, all our ancestors - whether Mayan, Egyptian, Chinese or Inca - were far too stupid and incompetent to have built or devised or achieved anything that required any kind of skills in mathematics or engineering.

In brief, a UFOic conclusion: "our ancestors were a bunch of dummies who had everything to thank our green ancient alien buddies for".

 

This is how easily UFO freaks get duped. They see this sculpture hanging on a Spanish cathedral, and their mouths start to water! Of course, they don't even want to consider for a moment that appearances might deceive. How many of them actually bother to find out that this cute little thing was commissioned in 1992? It's not part of the original 1102-made edifice, and that's the one fact relating to this object they don't want to know about.

Denial is the escapist route of the perpetual coward.

Those who foolishly believe that ancient aliens provided the first steps toward the development of human civilization totally negate all the hard work, intelligence, and innovation that actual REAL people put into constructing amazing structures such as the pyramids.

UFOlogists find it hard to believe that humans can do anything on their own - perhaps because these UFO clowns themselves feel inadequate and incompetent. In psychology, this is called "projection". They project their own stupidity and lack of self-esteem onto our ancestors many of whom were geniuses compared to these UFO-hugging dummies.


It is here where the similarities between Marxism and UFOlogy start to become apparent: So intensely arrogant is Ancient-Aliens/UFOlogist lunacy that they give themselves the right to attempt to re-write all of history - from scratch. Just like Marxists. And just like Marxists, UFOlogists refuse to give our ancestors much credit for anything. Hence, it is no surprise that Marxists and UFOlogists also share similar psychological anomalies and aberrations.

Ancient-Aliens UFOlogists will hijack any ancient ruin, building, ornament or statue and claim it as their alien own. The more advanced the building, and the weirder-looking the figurine, the more excited they get - as if weirdness and large size somehow automatically equate to "extraterrestrial". And as always, they haven't an iota of proof.

Like all zealots, UFOlogists seem to always steer toward extremes:

Rule no.1: aliens are perfect, advanced in every way, flawless (except when they get found out by incredibly ingenious village idiots and hicks) and great (i.e. god-like), and much like gods if not actual gods (which again reveals the religious-wise "thinking" that guides all UFOlogists).


Alien-built noses just weren't built to last.

Rule no.2: humans are just silly little pawns, goofy mindless marionettes who couldn't have achieved anything without a great amount of help from superior aliens.


The one-track-mindedness of UFOlogists should make you question their sanity, common-sense, and in many cases their honesty as well. 




11. ANCIENT ALIENS ARE A FANCIFUL, CHILDISH MYTH THAT TOM CRUISE BELIEVES IN


There isn't an iota of proof, not a speck of evidence, not a milligram of an indication that humans stem from some sort of "alien seed" placed here on Earth thousands of years ago by god-like green schmucks, as is explored in rather embarrassing, fictitious and cretinous detail on History Channel's opportunistic and bullshit "Ancient Aliens" serial.

It's akin to believing in dragons, witches, or haunted houses. Infants and gullible adults do that.

Still not convinced? Scientologists believe in alien visitors too.
Their entire philosophy is based on that nonsense. It reads like a cheesy pulp sci-fi comic-book.


The fact that the likes of Tom Cruise and John Travolta believe in this shit isn't in itself proof that alien ships haven't visited Earth - I am fully aware of that - but it is useful to know what kinds of well-known public clowns belong to the ever-growing number of UFOlogists. These two egotistical, self-obsessed, naive, semi-literate schmucks are very indicative of the types of people who choose to believe. And if you think Scientology is the last new religion to be developed centering around this alien nonsense, think again. There will be more, and some might be even dumber than that.




12. THE UFO CRAZE STARTED IN THE 50s

If UFO freaks had their way, and "Ancient Aliens" were included in the school curriculum as a subject, this would be their text-book of choice.

Why don't the Middle Ages, the Ancient Greeks or Ancient Egyptians have abundant drawings, theories, stories and speculations about all those aliens? By that I mean real evidence, not bullshit.

The answer is obvious. Because it's only the advent of the technological age (the 20th century) that gave us the chance and the idea to dream of aliens hence dream up laughable hypothesis about alien UFOs, their visits, the anal-probes, and all the other green-related malarkey. Before 30s pulp comics and 50s B-movies hardly anyone even thought of alien creatures. And H.G. Wells came just a little before that.





13. THE VAST MAJORITY OF UFO SIGHTINGS OCCUR(RED) IN THE STATES



 

Apparently, aliens prefer to anal-probe Americans. UFOlogists never offer any explanations for this stupid phenomenon.

There is no logical reason why such a ridiculously disproportionate percentage of sightings should be in the States and the UK - other than the obvious fact that Americans and the Brits are the biggest fans of this nonsense hence make up this drivel and believe in it more than other people.


 
Left: A starving Angolan man has more pressing issues - such as bare-naked survival - to attend to, hence has no time for dreaming of alien visitation, which is why he doesn't see any. You see what you want to see, that is human behaviour. Right: Many Americans and other westerners are well-fed hence severely bored, seeking new thrills to fill their empty lives with. UFOs are as fun a waste-of-time activity as any.

One almost equates UFOs with America, that's how closely linked they've been since the 50s. Only in recent years has UFOlogy spread more outwards. Now we have UFO suckers almost everywhere in great numbers. We have America's cretinous pop culture to thank for that, in part.

Our pathologically shy alien visitors must hate the Russian cold, the African heat, and European architecture. Yeah, that must be it; that must be why they usually choose to visit the States. Or perhaps American cows and drunks are much easier to beam up and ass-rape.





14. THE VAST MAJORITY OF ASTRONOMERS, PHYSICISTS AND ASTRO-PHYSICISTS AGREE IT'S ALL A BUNCH OF CRAP
 

Those few scientists that advertise UFOs are the kind of greedy dishonest bastards who don't have any moral qualms about making money off disinformation. Sort of like amoral intellectuals who decide to support extreme Right-wing or Left-wing tyrannies for personal profit (won't mention any names cough cough Noam Chomsky).

Intelligent people choose to listen to expert opinion. Fools choose to get all of their "education" on YouTube's numerous UFO channels.

If you think scientists' majority view on scientific issues isn't relevant, then it's best you stop reading this list right now. Switch on your TV. Oprah is on. Or wrestling.


A lying amateur - according to UFOlogists.

Why are UFOlogists so un-scientific? 

A scientist conducts experiments to find out or confirm the end-result - and he does this with an open mind - whereas a UFOlogist already knows (or thinks he knows) the answer in advance i.e. he bends and twists facts to suit the end-result which he so fiercely protects from all logic, common-sense, skepticism and science.




15. THE MILITARY IS ALWAYS "HIDING SOMETHING" BUT IT'S NEVER GREEN ALIENS
                                  
The gov't painted them purple to make 'em less conspicuous.


SECRECY = ALIENS: a well-known bullshit equation used by UFOlogists; if there is a secret, it must be UFO-related

EXTREME SECRECY = ALIENS HAVE ALREADY INFILTRATED SOCIETY: another well-known bullshit formula, their favourite
 

 
Your tiny brain is what they're hiding, Bill Birnes. And as the tiniest object in the universe, it's pretty damn easy to hide!

Not all prominent UFOlogists - i.e. the daftly named "UFO hunters" - are liars. Some of them are genuinely retarded, i.e. just as stupid as they appear.   

These typical UFOlogist equations are used time and time again as a means of "proving" various military/government conspiracies. But wild theorizing and conjecture do not constitute evidence. Reasons for top secrecy are numerous. To utilize ONE all-purpose explanation for ALL cases of top secrecy is child-like simplification carried to the extreme.

Just because the military has secret installations in which they conduct various tests that are away from public view or knowledge does not in the least have ANYTHING to do with green monsters from outer space. To make that kind of a deductive leap is infantile to the extreme. "The military is actually involved in secret activities??? How can that be possible?! They must be hiding aliens! That's the only explanation!" This is the thought process of a child.


UFO loons and charlatans often use this argument. "The military won't say anything, hence they must be hiding something in there, hence they must be hiding aliens". Desperate conjecture, that's all it is. Wild guessing is all they have, since absolutely nothing they offer is the least bit scientific.
  

The state of mind of many UFOlogists.

Studies indicate that people consumed with fear i.e. more prone to panic and paranoia tend to embrace wild conspiracy theories more readily, because they offer neat "answers" (albeit bullshit ones) which in turn make these people feel less insecure and less fearful; these "answers" give them a false sense of "security" because they believe they'd figured out and understood mysteries which plague their unstable psyches. It's fairly simple: fear (rational or not) leads to obsession, and obsession leads to irrational modes of thinking hence rash and illogical conclusions. This type of fear had lead many of our ancestors to sacrifice animals and humans to various imagined gods, some of them represented by celestial objects such as the Moon or the Sun. When fear, confusion and naivety combine, a mess is always the result.




16. THE GOVERNMENT WOULDN'T HIDE IT BUT WOULD BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO REVEAL IT

If only it had anything to reveal.


Think about it. WHY would a bunch of politicians keep something like a discovery of an alien ship a secret? Sure, they'd perhaps keep it secret for a short while, but not forever because there is no logical reason for such all-out paranoid infinite secrecy.

Even if there were aspects of an alien-UFO find that a government wanted to keep secret (such as new weaponry), they could always reveal the details that aren't related to that specific aspect and keep certain parts secret.

In fact, any U.S. President would be absolutely THRILLED to have such a monumental discovery be presented to the world under HIS mandate. It would be a boon for his re-election campaign, if anything, and a huge boost for his own Ego to go down in history as THE man whose government first encountered and had contact with an alien race.

All believers in wild theories love to include extreme secrecy into their stupid stories because this (they believe) allows them to argue the existence of nonsense that (technically) cannot be either proven or disproved.
How convenient, self-serving, and transparent. Burden of proof, anyone?


Just another 1942 UFO convention. (UFO fans, don't get too excited; there is a new thing we call "photo-shopping" that's been in existence for years now. This is a fake. No need to fear a joint Nazi-alien invasion any time soon.)




17. N.A.S.A. WOULD BE EVEN HAPPIER THAN THE GOVERNMENT TO REVEAL ALIENS
             

                             

NASA bends over backwards trying to find half a microbe's leg or parts of a bacteria's arm on Mars. They've been trying DESPERATELY to find even the flimsiest of proofs of life on Mars, for decades, and then to try and sell it to us as "proof of life". Anyone who hasn't noticed this desperation yet hasn't been paying much attention. There was even that famous case when they had announced a startling life-proving find, but which turned out to be an error on their part.

Rather than play down any "breakthroughs" they'd had in recent years, NASA has being doing the opposite: any time someone found anything remotely giving hope of alien life, NASA was all over the news media, gleaming with joy. "We've got new indications of alien life on Mars!"

If NASA is that keen on advertising negligible finds on distant Mars as proof of life, then how do you think they'd react if they or SETI actually detected a round space-ship floating above an Iowa cow's head?


They'd let us know about it about a minute later. 




18. NO LARGE-SCALE CONSPIRACY CAN EVER REMAIN UNDISCOVERED FOREVER                       

Americans hadn't even succeeded in keeping its nuclear-weapon secrets safe from the Russians and the Chinese, so what cause is there to believe that they'd be any more successful in hiding an entire alien ship or aliens from the rest of the world? Especially for over half-a-century! (Hint hint, Roswell.) The recent scandals with Snowden and Wikileaks have shown us that no secret information is totally safe anymore.

Any large conspiracy must by definition involve a large number of people. To actually believe that none of these people would eventually betray the main conspirators by going to the media (for profit or fame) is very naive indeed. People simply aren't that disciplined or reliable.

UFOlogists focus so much on non-existent alien visitors that they sometimes forget the basic character traits of humans that do exist and surround them.
 



Aliens have no shame. Always coming to our solar system in the nude, the decadent bastards.




19. UFOLOGISTS USE A VERY QUESTIONABLE VOCABULARY

Perhaps... maybe... what if... supposing that... if we assume that... if... if... if... if... 

These is the vocabulary they use, because they have no facts to offer. It's all conjecture, one big pile of shit. Semantic vagueness is their "weapon"; a series of non-arguments and very weak arguments piled up on top of another, leading to the always inevitable - and highly desired - conclusion that alien UFOs are all over the Solar System.

When you start off with a bullshit premise and you then build a whole series of assumptions atop and around that bullshit premise, what do you get? Extraterrestrials on Earth? No. You get a large pile of extraordinary bullshit. You can't build a house using soft mud as its foundation, but this is how UFOlogy works.

Using the "what if... let's assume... maybe if" line of non-thinking I can easily "prove" that a large, 5-horned rhino is the President of Portugal. Using that kind of semantic nonsense you can literally "prove" anything you want. The possibilities are endless. Especially if you are unaware of the concept of the burden of proof.

"Could this actually be a secret meeting between members of the Portuguese cabinet?!!! Prove that it's NOT the case."

Burden of proof? UFO freaks don't understand it.





The f**kers are everywhere.

20. ALL UNPROVABLE, SELF-SERVING ARGUMENTS ARE UTTER BULLSHIT

When they tell you that "aliens are among us, controlling all the governments, hence the truth about UFOs is hidden from the public" then you should have no choice but to become even firmer in your conviction that this whole UFO hoopla is a load of childish crap designed to make certain people rich, or at least famous.

What does "self-serving argument" mean? For those of who don't know, here's an example. A man claims to have discovered an ancient civilization of blue-anus leprechauns in Ireland - but when asked for proof he claims that he is sworn to secrecy as to their exact whereabouts because if he divulges this secret the leprechauns would destroy all of humanity. That sort of thing. That is a self-serving argument, i.e. an argument constructed in such a way as to serve the person who invented the bullshit in question, and to (supposedly) safeguard him/her from having to offer any evidence for the claim.


Any time somebody is forced to resort to lofty conspiracy theories in order to convince you of something, know that the person is desperate for arguments hence has nothing of value to tell you.

UFOlogists have devised a number of quasi-elaborate self-serving theories that preclude these theories being even questioned, let alone disproved. They have nothing to offer in the concrete-proof scientific arena, so they dabble in wild conjecture and conspiracy theories - the last resort of the desperate fool or liar. 




21. ALL "WITNESSES" ARE EITHER LIARS OR LOONS

Not one so-called witness has ever offered a speck of actual physical proof - other than their laughable tales of abduction, anal-probing, anal tests, anal tickling, and then being dumped on a cow-grazing field in Idaho after the anus had been thoroughly ravaged.

There is much money to be made from this UFO horseshit. It is a big business, a growing and lucrative one, and many desperate losers and greedy charlatans out there know that very well. If you choose to believe those loser "witnesses", than you're an even bigger loser than they'd ever been.

 
Cows - the perpetual plan B.


Confused UFO children, learn this little "poem":

Anything in a wild claim is possible.
Not everything in a wild claim is probable.
Even fewer things in a wild claim are plausible.
And extremely few things in a wild claim are actual.


And read another excellent article on this subject: 



Had enough of UFOs? Perhaps the latest issues of "Nationalist Geographic" tickle your interest?