Wednesday, 26 June 2013

10 Reasons Not To "Brofist"

Yet again, the goofy world of hip-hop with its infantile "gangstaz-in-da-hood" lifestyle influences Western culture in a daft, embarrassing manner. And nobody seems to be complaining. Rats these days are too busy brofisting to notice the sinking ship.

At some point, the high five just wasn't "hip" enough for the average braindead athlete, and so the brofist was born. But whether it was first used by two stereoidal NFL-ers or invented by a pair of drug-dealers celebrating the sale of 3 kilos of cocaine is a moot point. The fact is that it has become a stamp of cultural decay in these moronic times, and (along with tattoos and piercings) became just another way for dull, uncultured hype-slaves to get themselves noticed. 


 



Once again, it's all about the attention. And desperately trying to be "ghetto" - as if being poor or stupid is a badge of honour to show off.




Yo bro, wife.
THE FIRST REASON

If this isn't an incentive to stop brofisting, I don't know what is. The dumb purple-lipped Socialist does everything in his power to bring down the nation's average I.Q. He started by making kids with that big-boned bitch, then became President, and then started brofisting. Free lobotomies must be next up.


  



  


Yo, foo'.
IT WILL MAKE YOU LOOK STUPID

There are few things that will make you look as silly as brofisting, especially if you're wearing a nice dress and are quite skinny.















IT WILL MAKE YOU LOOK QUASI-CRIMINAL

Yo, forget my thin arms, me be street-wise gangsta now
There is only one thing worse than looking like a gangsta and that's looking like a quasi-gangsta.

If you're not tough, but want to appear tough, then you're actually signaling people around you that you are not only not tough, but also desperate to be perceived as tough - and that just makes you appear even
less tough than before, plus stupid.








PEOPLE WILL KNOW YOU ARE A PATHETIC ATTENTION-SEEKER

All caring parents start the dumbing-down early.
Let's face it, brofisting isn't something you do for your knuckles. You do it to be seen doing it. The more people there are about, the more likely that two people will be brofisting (and secretly hoping they'd been seen doing their silly, pointless brofist by as many people as possible).
Children are attention-seekers, as are insecure morons. If you're not either of those, then why are you still brofisting?






IT WILL MAKE YOU LOOK ILLITERATE

Alike minds do alike.
If you are actually a fan of looking primitive and without any schooling, skip this advice.

Brofisting is the illiteracy equivalent of signing a document with an "X". If you wish to be a caveman, join a cave dwelling. You can't be a civilized city-dweller AND a brofister; it makes no sense. 










Don't encourage your daughter to be a lady. Brofist her instead.
IT'S EVEN WORSE IF YOU'RE A WOMAN

If you're a woman yet regularly brofist with your "homeyz from da hood", then you have to ask yourself only one question: "why am I afraid of being feminine?"

And then ask yourself another question: "have I seen LARA CROFT one too many times?" (Lara doesn't brofist, it's the character's laughable anorexic kick-ass fashion-model image that I'm referring to.)

Frankly, I don't know who's worse: a guy who wants to treat a woman like "one of da boyz", or a woman that insists on being treated as "one of da boyz".

Brofisting between a man and woman - especially husband/wife or GF/BF - is the lowest form of brofisting, having the least street-cred of all the totally un-street-cred brofist pairings or combinations that are out there.




IT'S EVEN MORE EMBARRASSING WHEN YOU'RE A CERTAIN AGE
 
She's not laughing with you, Bush Sr., she's laughing at you.
If you're a senior citizen desperately trying to regain your youth... don't. Just don't.

Age with some dignity, frcrissakes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7DORYuI_tQ










What a great influence on the new generations of morons.
YOU AUTOMATICALLY BECOME A KNUCKLEHEAD

Knuckling other people's knuckles makes you a knucklehead. Unless your goal in life is to actually be a knucklehead, you must stop this retarded greeting method and re-join the civilized, intelligent world.






THERE IS A GREAT LIKELIHOOD THAT THE PERSON YOU BROFIST ISN'T YOUR BROTHER AT ALL
 
Brofisting a fan for the cameras.
The whole point of brofisting (aside from making you look stupid) is to acknowledge the alleged brotherhood between yourself and the fool at the other end of the knuckle-hit.

Ironically, the latest studies show that most brofisters are back-stabbing bro-cheating hypocrites who only use the brofist to hide their true intentions.

I.e. there is no brotherhood between brofisters. It's all just one big faddish lie.







THE TERM "BROFIST" SHOULD BE A DETERRENT ENOUGH ON ITS OWN
"Yo bro. Me be President and you just a lowly janitor but we be bruthaz." 
Some brofists are just too honest for words.

"Brofist"? Really? Can it get any dumber than that?

Apparently, it can.

The brofist is also referred to as the "fist bump" (well, obviously), as "spudding" (duh), as "fo' knucks" (double duh), as "pound dogg" (yet more hip-hop-inspired "street-cred" bullshit), as "props", and last but definitely not least stupid - as "respect".

Speaking of which, the irony is that the brofist gets you absolutely no respect from those you truly need it - or whose respect you should desire. People who respect the brofist are generally the types of people whose opinions shouldn't matter much anyway.
 






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