Wednesday, 31 July 2013

21 Reasons NOT To Get A Tattoo



I am fully aware that some of the reasons listed will be interpreted as reasons to get tattoos by some retards, and there are plenty of those out there. But this list is anyway not directed at such lost causes. Nor is it intended for people who already have them; if you already have them - enjoy them, as far as that's possible.
 

First a few typical reasons why people get them:
 

A) "My cat meant so much to me, I think I'll tattoo its paws on my forehead".
 

B) "I want to have a tattoo that symbolizes my struggle against Parkinson's disease."
 

C) "Me and my wife want to tattoo our names on our backsides so that whenever we take a dump we are reminded of our love."
 

What's this latest craze with desecrating, dirtying, ruining your healthy, natural skin with symbols, names and other useless kitsch?
 

A) If you like your cat (as you should), feed it and take care of it. Keep in mind though that the cat couldn't care less about your tattoo anyway - especially if it's already passed away. If it could talk, it would probably tell you that "you could have spent that money on more useful things - like new toys for me to play with and more BEEF!".
 

B) If you fought against a disease and won, be happy and proud, but why do you have to plaster ink on your skin to "symbolize" it? Don't you want to FORGET your disease for a damn minute? Write about it or tell your friends and strangers about the struggle, don't kid yourself that the tattoo tells anything about you or your ordeal except that you follow fads and are desperate for attention.
 

C) If you love your wife, love her; don't put additional pressure on your marriage by immortalizing her big nose on your chest, only to have to worry about how after your divorce she'll be watching you shave - from your chest - for the rest of your life, while you're trying to forget that fateful day when she dumped you.
 

You know what would turn heads? A tattoo that says "I WAS KIDNAPPED BY TATTOOED MORONS AND THIS TATTOO WAS A RESULT OF THAT".
 

Tattoos are one of the silliest fashion items of this emotionally insecure, very confused and anti-intellectual age. People with serious psychological issues and those who lack self-esteem publicly display their shortcomings by letting greedy tattoo-artists inject their skin-pores with their filthy ink. Clever marketing people have invented the money-grabbing scheme i.e. the ingenious idea that tattoos "symbolize" events and people in your life - rather than admitting that they're just blue-ish smears imprinted on your skin, just one more way to eke out cash out of the bored, jaded, dumb attention-seeking masses. The first tribes that used tattoos never jabbered about alleged symbolism.
 

Don't believe the ha-ha-ha-ha-hype. 



1. IT MAKES YOU LOOK CRIMINAL

In the moronic age we live, criminals have become icons for the increasingly dumbed-down masses who prefer to worship false idols, especially for very confused and easily manipulated kids. This is one of the main reasons why tattoos became such a fad.


As a result, tattoos are and always will be associated with criminals and other low-lives. Criminals are for the most part of lower intelligence (as all studies show) hence their love of desecrating their bodies with inky crap. Criminals, as all studies show, tend to rarely plan ahead, rarely think long-term (like all morons), which goes hand-in-hand with the spontaneous decision to get a silly little inky blotch from some third-rate "artist".

So if you want to look like a perpetually unemployed bum who spends his time trying to steal TV sets from malls, be my guest. If your greatest wish is to be mistaken for a member of MS13 or the Bloods, go for it. Basically, if your desire is to be mistaken for an incarcerated low-IQ retard - then you must be a retard.



2. IT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID

Generally speaking, foolish, naive, impulsive and especially stupid people get tattoos. They make up all sorts of goofy excuses for getting them, such as "I want to immortalize the love between me and my girl" or "my pet turtle has been with me since day one" or "this tribal symbolizes glory and victory" or whatever cliche New Age drivel their shallow, brainwashed minds come up with. 


Doing anything stupid with your body cannot be rationalized, no matter how hard you try, and persistent rationalizing unavoidably makes you appear even dumber than "just" getting a tattoo but not bragging about it.

 The fact that the majority of criminals - who, remember, aren't that bright to begin with - wear tattoos is a fact that helps the rest of us non-tattooed mortals suspect that something is amiss in the head that sits on a pair of tattooed shoulders.

All dumb people make impulsive decisions. The decision to get a tattoo reveals a lot about a person - and none of it is positive.

Bottom line. 
Percentage of NASA scientists who are tattooed: 1%.
Percentage of football players who are tattooed: 95%.




3. IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE AN UNKEMPT HOOKER

Apart from criminals, morons, nerds, and airhead rock stars, hookers are also well-known for undergoing inky stabbings.


 The "tramp stamp" is only one of many hookerisms related to having a blotch of ink on your skin. Why any woman would want to advertise to the whole world that she is "easy" is beyond me. Spreading your legs to a horny, unpicky male is hardly the height of social success.

Part of femininity is a clean appearance (if it weren't so, women would roll in mud before going to red-carpet events, on dates, and 5-star restaurants, and they certainly wouldn't spend hours in the bathroom). A tattoo looks like a big fat skin-smear, especially from the distance, giving any woman an unkempt, messy, dirty hence unsexy look.

Besides, how can a tattoo possibly look more attractive than a woman's natural tan/skin which it "replaces"/hides? No artificial addition can ever improve the female body in any way, as Botox and boob-implants have clearly shown. Insecure women tattoo themselves, because they aren't happy with their appearance.




4. IT MAKES YOU SEEM DESPERATE FOR ATTENTION

You know what they say about people desperate for attention?


1) They didn't get enough attention as kids. (Which is admittedly not their fault. So all you parents reading this: shower your kids with attention so they don't become insecure tattoo-wearing adults one day.)

2) They are very insecure hence the excessive need for attention; they use tattoos as an attempt to re-build their half-destroyed, ravaged egos.

 3) They are like children, because nearly all children crave attention above all else (apart from sweets). And let's face it: kids are dumb too.

Is this how you want to be perceived? Wouldn't you rather a be a tattoo-less person who is above trends, fads? Wouldn't you prefer to come off as an independent thinker rather than a sheep-like follower?

 Besides, there is something shameful, self-degrading and cheap about trying desperately to draw attention to oneself (sort of like those clownish reality-TV contestants), especially through bizarre or needless changes to the physical appearance; it signifies that you consider yourself too boring, so by "peppering up" your body with third-rate drawings you think that this will somehow make you more interesting. But if you're a boring tit, no amount of skin-blotching will turn you into a non-boring tit. That would be magic, and tattoos don't have any magical powers - aside from being permanent.





5. IT MIGHT PREVENT YOU FROM SPOTTING A CANCEROUS GROWTH

Skin cancer is a growing disease in this sun-tan-happy age, and if your back is covered with a large colourful dragon chasing its own tail, then the likelihood that your partner will notice a suspicious growth i.e. an irregular mole, is far slimmer.


If you value your health less than having a tattoo to "show off" with, then stop reading this list right now. You are beyond help, and a cretin.

 Speaking of back tattoos, why would anyone get a back tattoo for which you need a complex multiple-mirror set-up in order to see it properly? I'll tell you why: to "show off". Forget all this "symbolism" baloney about the deeper philosophical ramifications behind getting a skin blotch, because when someone gets a tattoo, especially on the back which happens to be OUTSIDE of your field of vision, they are getting them for exhibitionist purposes only, and nothing else. Who the hell do they think they're kidding? "This symbolizes my integrity and bla bla bla". Just shut up, shut the hell up.





6. YOU'LL GET SICK OF IT EVENTUALLY

How many people don't grow tired of watching the same painting on the same wall, day-in and day-out? If you feel you're one of those "lucky few" who can stand to watch the same damn drawing for the rest of your life, then knock yourself out and get a collection of ink dots on your body's biggest organ - while ignoring the other 20 reasons not to get one.


But if you belong to the majority, then eventually you're grow tired of it. It's very human to get easily bored with fads, gadgets and the like. And laser treatments are:

1) very expensive
2) very lengthy (it can take over a year to erase a tattoo blotch)
3) wasting your time: you'll require numerous visits, more than a dozen in some cases
4) very painful, requiring anesthesia which isn't exactly healthy or something to take on a whim, not to mention that you'll feel the pain in spite of it
5) embarrassing, because the laser specialist will look at you as "yet another silly schmuck coming to us to get rid of his stupid skin-blotch"




7. YOU'LL END UP LOOKING LIKE THOSE CLOWNS IN L.A. INK

If your ambition in life is to play the "rebellious-clown-without-a-cause", wearing torn jeans and having piercings dangle out of your nose like some grass-grazing Milka cow, then feel free to cover your body with tattoos. Looking like Lizard-Boy (or Lizard-Girl) isn't the worst thing that can happen to a person's appearance; there is also leprosy and scabies.


 If you don't mind looking like an uneducated putz who makes rash hence dumb decisions, such as ruining a piece of your skin for life, then skip this entry.

 But if you want to avoid being looked at by intelligent people as yet another moron in a sea of morons, avoid tattoos altogether. Nothing says "insecure fad-happy putz" more than a body smothered with blue-red blotches; messy concoctions that are supposed to make you look better.

The stupidly named Kat Von D and her fellow skanks lost nearly all femininity by looking like they're wearing bits of animal carcass on their bodies. (Kat's worn-out-nail-polish 16-year-old-Emo-girl shtick only further underlines her insanity - i.e. her pathological need to promote ugliness as "the new sexiness". Absurd.) It's bad enough when a guy looks like a street hustler or a bum, but with women its even worse. Women whose main objective in life is to be manly i.e. too look messy, and to appear "tough" need shrinks not tattoos.

Street-trash wannabes such as Kat - who have all the street smarts of a rocking chair - always look as if they hadn't washed in weeks. Tattoos are a one-way ticket to looking as if hygiene were your biggest enemy.





8. FINDING A JOB WILL BECOME MUCH MORE DIFFICULT (THAN IT ALREADY IS)

Don't COMPLAIN about employers not wanting to hire you on account of your tattoos. It's not their fault, it's YOUR fault. With you lies the problem, not the employer.


 The employer is merely using his common sense. He figures, and quite rightly: "if this person got tattoos that means they're most likely stupid and confused, and I don't want stupid and confused people working for me". It's that simple.

 The employer has every legal, moral, financial and logical right to make common-sense assumptions based on your physical appearance (i.e. how you choose to present yourself in public) that aid him in weeding out the boys from the men, the unemployable from the employable.
Tattoos signify/symbolize primarily low intelligence, gullibility, susceptibility to hype, a lack of confidence, a penchant for short-term thinking and planning, empty-headed anti-Establishment rebellion, and they look dirty hence imply a lack of hygiene. Not to mention that they're just plain ugly. Most employers run businesses that have to maintain a certain clean image. Tattoos very rarely fit into the desired visual image of a business.


 So hide that cretinous Nazi swastika that have on your neck next time you look for a job - IF you can!

 A world of life-long unemployment may await you. Is that really what you want? Good luck rummaging for food in dumpsters: rats and cockroaches are usually quicker.


9. DON'T BECOME YET ANOTHER UNORIGINAL FAD SLAVE

If you're trying to be different, and want to set yourself apart from the masses, you will actually achieve the opposite.


 Sheep i.e. slaves to media and fashion hype are in the majority; these are generally the type of people who get tattooed. Becoming yet another tattooed statistic amongst the multitudes of braindead/brainwashed people will make you even less original and individualistic than you already are. In America alone, already dozens of millions of people have tattoos - and most of those morons are about as interesting as a bottle of black ink.

 By getting a tattoo, you're not distancing yourself from boring Joe Shmoe. You ARE Joe Shmoe: just another mindless Shmoe joining the multi-million-strong shmoeic "hipster" army.






10. IF YOU'RE INSECURE, TATTOOS AREN'T THE SOLUTION 

Some people who have the need to alter their physical appearance to such an extreme extent - i.e. permanently -  are doing it because they are very unhappy with their looks. Tattoos reek of insecurity

Learn to like yourself as you are; don't allow yourself to be pressured and then pushed into fitting some sort of moronic media stereotype of what constitutes "cool" or "beautiful", perpetuated by greedy, manipulative journalists and demented, aesthetically-challenged fashion-designers. 

Tattoos aren't going to cure any inferiority complex you might have. They might even make you even more miserable when you realize that you still feel the same - i.e. shit - about yourself after you get them.




 
11. IT MIGHT BECOME OUTDATED

Tattooing the portrait of a spouse, a girlfriend, a boyfriend or their names is one of the most foolish emotional decisions anyone can ever make. What are you, 9? Are you a mature adult who makes his own decisions and conclusions regardless of the perpetually surrounding hype, or are you just an impressionable, impulsive child desperate for attention?


 Do you want to end up like that embarrassing moron Angelina Jolie who tattooed the name of her former "beau"? Talking about Billy-Bob Thornton, the other embarrassing moron in this dumb-ass inky equation. Jolie probably still has it, or had to undergo a prolonged, painful laser procedure to erase him from her bony body. Pity lobotomies aren't reversible. 

 Ditto trendy tattoos such as those idiotically-called "tribals". All the rage over a decade ago, now millions of these pointless, once-hyped, often identical drawings are sitting imprinted on millions of bodies whose dim-witted heads are now wondering how they could possibly have been so easily lulled into that bullshit: "am I really that weak-willed and easily influenced?" Yes, you bloody are!






12. FUNNY TATTOOS: THE JOKE'S ON YOU

Funny motifs may work for a while (like a few minutes, or hours at most), but even the best gag eventually stops being funny and soon turns into a dull embarrassment.


Would you ever tell the same joke over and over to the same people? Of course you wouldn't.

The expiry date of a joke is a real problem. Once your "funny tattoo" ceases being amusing (both to yourself and others) you'll be stuck with it, and you won't be smiling anymore, that's for sure.




13. IT BLOODY HURTS

If you're getting a tattoo to show how "tough" you are (which is a really dumb reason), i.e. how much pain you're able to withstand, consider these points first:

1) Drew Barrymore and many other skinny giggly girls such as her have tattoos. Does that nepotistic silver-spoon-fed multimillionaire retard "symbolize" toughness to you?


2) Enduring pain that is inflicted on you through a disease is called toughness, but enduring pain that you freely and willfully choose to inflict on yourself is called MASOCHISM. Masochists aren't tough; they merely enjoy their hobby.

3) Every other nerd nowadays has one. Are tattooed nerds tough? Not the last time I checked. (If you're wondering why I included two pics of Adam Levine, it's because he's twice the nerd Bieber is.)

The supposed "toughness" of having a tattoo has been so watered-down in recent years, with housewives, dorks, and teens getting them by the millions, you might as well forget about that as your reason for getting one.


Just as tattoos cannot cure boring personalities, they cannot cure nerdiness either. Tattoos are not a cure for anything. Nor do they make you either stronger or appear stronger. You are submitting yourself to pain for no good reason at all.




14. IT'S BLOODY EXPENSIVE

The prices range from 50 bucks for smaller ones to several hundred for the bigger ones, not to mention a thousand or more for the large ones.

You want "symbolism"? Try this for size: you waste $500 dollars on a tattoo that's meant to "symbolize" your generosity toward your fellow man, by getting a drawing of a hobo being tipped a $500-dollar bill by you, and yet as you approach the tattoo studio to get this grand politically correct tattoo, you pass by a beggar whom you totally ignore.


Now that's more the kind of symbolism that's up my alley. Most people are fool of shit, especially those who profess lofty meanings in their tattoos.



15. YOU CAN CATCH HEPATITIS OR THE HIV VIRUS

If it could happen to Pamela Anderson (Hepatitis C), then it can surely happen to you too. She at least has (or had) the money to afford the best and presumably cleanest tattoo artists, and still she got unlucky.

It's a needle, frcrissakes.






16. AS SKIN AGES SO DOES THE TATTOO
 

If you think watching your skin age and become flabby and wrinkly as you hit old age is bad, consider this: tattooed skin getting wrinkly and flabby. Much much worse.

This old geezer looks as if he'd been trying on "Avatar" costumes.






17. YOU CAN PUT ON A T-SHIRT INSTEAD

You worship your hamster and want his face to follow you around anywhere you go?

Easy. Just have a photo of his round furry body printed on several T-Shirts, caps, socks, or any other items of clothing. So when one item is in the laundry, you have a spare to carry around.

The great advantage: you can choose NOT to have your hamster's face follow you around when/if you grow tired of it. And it costs less. And it doesn't hurt. And it looks better. And you can't catch hepatitis from it. And people won't think you're a fad-happy cretin. Etc.


The fact that so many people tattoo their favourite musician on their back - as opposed to just wearing a T-Shirt with his image - proves that this symbolism CRAP is just an excuse to get a tattoo for all the wrong i.e. un-sumbolic reasons, that is to say merely to attract attention and "show off" later to anyone and everyone, foolishly believing that their physical appearance had been improved.

If you feel you're a dull person with no personality and people avoid you, then getting tattooed is the wrong way to go about it. People will still think you're dull (after trying to talk to you again) only this time they will have learned that you're a moron as well. Placing a tattooey blotch on your skin isn't going to change you, it'll merely make you look uglier.




18. IT WON'T MAKE YOU LOOK "ARTISTIC"

There is a fine line between looking like an artist and looking like a jackass.

There is a huge difference between being a rock star and trying to pathetically impersonate one.

Everyone is an "artist" nowadays - or at least fancies themselves one. This pathetic need to be "different", to achieve even a small measure of "fame" at any cost, plus the compulsion to achieve that elusive appearance of being "artistic" often turns people into tattoo-paying sheep.

You want to be artistic? Compose great music. Learn to draw, paint or sculpt. (Modern-art bullshit doesn't count.) Do it for real. Merely by inking yourself like millions of other attention-seeking wannabe asses doesn't turn you into either an artist or a person "with a difference". Individualism comes from within, not from following fashion trends, wearing weird clothes - or applying ink onto your skin.

And if you're neither different/weird nor artistic, then just accept it and move on. We can't all be superstars and artistic - some people are needed to clean toilets and some to do accounting.




19. YOUR SKIN IS YOUR BODY'S BIGGEST ORGAN

Would you tattoo on a kidney? Would you let someone poke needles into your lungs? Would you want a picture of your daughter ink-splotched all over your brain, perhaps?

Your skin isn't salad-dressing covering a meal, or some tent pitched all over your bones and arteries. It's a sensitive and important part of your body. Don't screw with it without necessity. Infections are possible even at the cleanest tattoo shops. Taking these risks just to look like a jackass is the height of stupidity.


People who take their health for granted are immature morons.







20. IF YOUR MEMORY IS POOR VISIT A DOCTOR, NOT A TATTOO ARTIST

"This tattoo will remind me of my struggle with bla bla bla".

If you need a tattoo to serve as a reminder for things, then you might be in an early phase of Alzheimer's, so go see a doctor instead.

I'm sick and tired of hearing the words "it symbolizes" and "it will remind me of". Tattoos symbolize only your own lack of individuality and remind intelligent people that you're most likely a trend-happy sheep, a follower rather than a leader, a buffoon rather than a thinker.


You need reminders? Write notes and clip them on your fridge, or wear a bell around your neck like a cow. So much cheaper, and so much less painful and dumb.





21. IT'S A HOBBY THAT EVENTUALLY MUST END: LACK OF SPACE
 

"I wanna get a tattoo that symbolizes my sister, and then I want one to represent my struggle against drugs, and then I want one to remind me of my wonderful time spent at the county jail, and oh, of course I also want one that symbolizes the love between me and my girlfriend, and then I need one covering the whole back showing my favourite super-hero, and after I'd finished that I'll... Oh no, wait. Oh no."

Damn. Ran out of space. Wasn't thinking. What a bummer. Only a little bit of space left behind the ear. Perhaps you can tattoo a tiny grain of sand there? That's all that's left to smear. What a putz I must be.

Now you can't pursue your hobby anymore AND you look like an unwashed Persian carpet. Terrific.









Had enough of tattoos? How about UFOs? Go to link:


http://vjetropev.blogspot.com/2013/06/19-reasons-not-to-believe-any-of-that.html

13.1.2017. 

49 comments:

  1. Tattoos are truly dumb but #19 is not necessarily valid. A circus loony named Lucky Diamond Rich has ink over his entire body so he put white tattoos on top of his black tattoos. You CAN be a dumbass forever.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even idiots can occasionally become ingenious when they obsess over one thing, over and over. It's kind of like dumb prisoners managing to devise ways to escape prison; they have so much time on their hands that their tiny brains find a way eventually. Sort of like "give an infinite number of monkeys on typewriters an infinity to type, and one of them will eventually end up writing SEAN PENN IS MY REAL FATHER". That kind of thing. Time is the crucial factor when it comes to idiots excelling in anything.

      Vjetropev

      Delete
    2. Most of these points address people who have tattoos on their faces, why would I impair my ability to get a job by getting a face tattoo? insinuating that people with tattoos are dumb is in and of itself, dumb. I have professors with sleeves so generalizing people together based on a few bad tattoos seems like someone is not smart enough to look at actual statistics. While I agree with the author that most people who get tattoos get them for dumb reasons I think that someone who does not look at both sides of an issue is not fully prepared to speak on it.

      Delete
    3. The list isn't about people with tattooed heads. If it were, I'd call it "People Who Tattoo Their Heads Are Cretins".

      Also, I never realized that there WAS another side to this rather clear-cut issue. People who tattoo themselves are morons, period. Obviously, not all of them. Only around 97% of them are retards.

      As for college professors, I know quite a few who are deluded, demented, sexually-frustrated aging Marxists who teach "African Studies" and Sociology - you know, the really tough and important subjects. If you actually believe that being a professor at a university guarantees a higher I.Q. then you must be an amoeba - coz an amoeba is the only creature on Earth such a breed of professors could possibly impress.

      A tattooed amoeba, of course.

      Delete
  2. http://www.smithsonianmag.com/history-archaeology/tattoo.html

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for the link. I am sure it will be eventually useful to somebody reading this page.

    ReplyDelete
  4. When I see tattoos, I can't help but wonder what those people who were forcibly tattooed while in the concentration camps during WWII think. And with all the things that can go wrong during conception, gestation, delivery and life in general, as well as those disfigured through accidents, disease and war--- and people still willingly mutilate their bodies. I will never understand people.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There isn't much to understand. It's quite simple basically, in that the majority of people are easily-manipulated morons who will follow any fad or trend, no matter how dumb or cheesy. Plus the burning desire of some of the sheep to be noticed at all cost. When you can't impress through a talent or intelligence, get an ink-blotch stamped on your arm or leg, and then bullshit yourself how the ink-blotch "represents" something, or "reminds" you of something essential.

      Vjetropev

      Delete
  5. You guys are all very unintelligent. "Tattoos make you look stupid" "Good luck getting a job" I'm tattooed from shoulder to wrist on both arms; I have a Masters Degree, a 6 figure salary, and I will continue getting tattoos because I love the way they look. Plus, I didn't see one decent tattoo in this article. Only work done by kitchen artists. Post quality work!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perhaps I'm supposed to take it as a compliment that you think there are more of us here. It's just me, little ol' Vjetropev/Fedor8/Bane. The fact that you believe that multiple individuals are necessary in order to write an internet article implies that you yourself find it difficult to chew gum and walk at the same time, let alone write entire paragraphs, which is nothing unusual for a tattooed moron. Your Masters Degree, which is probably in "African Studies" or some such irrelevant crap, has brought you a lucrative career as a McDonalds burger-flipper, earning a whopping 6-figure Yen salary in Osaka. Is that what you were getting at? Of course you don't see any "decent tattoos" in this article because such a thing doesn't even exist.

      Vjetropev

      Delete
  6. I honestly think some of these idiots are so addicted to tattoos that they purposely gain weight to have more room on their body.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wouldn't put it past them.

      Another way they can gain more skin-canvas space would be to surgically add an additional arm or leg. Who knows, in no time we might have a whole army of octopus people, tattooed all over. And then, decades later, they might be looking to have their own country, language etc. The bottom's the limit.

      Vjetropev

      Delete
  7. Hahaha pathetic. Bunch of kids bitching about tattoos. Why cant people just do what they want without be judged?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ohhhh, poor baby doesn't want to be "judged".

      Is that the same question you posed to the arresting officer who hand-cuffed you for flashing kids in the local park?

      Vjetropev, much-hated in the non-judgable tattoo community

      Delete
    2. Are you mad about something? You seem so worried about ppl with tattoos.
      There are so many things I don't understand, that most people do with their bodies or just in general, but I don't get upset like you are.. what is wrong? Besides the fact you don't like it and your opinion is that they are stupid..?

      Delete
    3. Wonderful post, Kim, love it.

      You're calling me angry - while fuming at the mouth, in a barely contained sort of offended-girly way. You're pissing razors, and it's hilarious,

      So who's angry? Me or you. Not exactly a million-dollar question.

      Delete
  8. This is great! Another one about friggin' tatoos: http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_21_if-tattoos-actually-told-truth/

    ReplyDelete
  9. Yes, you can get hepatitis c from it, if you go to a shitty parlor with low hygiene, but hiv is almost impossible to get since the hiv virus dies within 1 second when it hits oxygen, and is also only possible if the tattooer hits himself deep enough to bleed an then tattoos you within that second. The needles are never used twice, they are disposable, the same with the ink cups etc.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Almost impossible". Your words.

      Delete
  10. Matthew G. Rhodes7 January 2014 at 23:07

    Thank you for this excellent page. I like to refer to tattoos as "manmade birthmarks". They are that ugly. This should be the #1 reason for a woman not to get one. Ladies, when I see a tattoo on one of you, I keep on going.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good. I hope you keep going. We didnt get a tattoo to attract dumbasses like you. We do It for ourselves.

      Delete
    2. "We didn't get TATTOOS", plural, not "a tattoo". If you're unable to add one tattoo to another, then the least of all your problems is this list and the fact that it annoyed the hell out of your tiny mind. 1 + 1 = 2: surely even you tattooed morons must know this by now.

      Or perhaps you're suggesting all you tattoo fiends are sharing one huge tattoo amongst each other? Sort of like a telepathic sci-fi beehive.

      Still, if you only have one tattoo, I guess that's better than having fifteen.

      Delete
  11. You are a very angry judgemental little twat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm a big twat. Don't you be judging my size!

      Delete
  12. fuck off

    Alex Schmitz

    ReplyDelete
  13. You sad sad person.

    Shane

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No wonder I'm sad - I don't know how to get rid off 97 of my tattoos!

      Delete
  14. Jajajaja this is so stupid, its all about how you look, and how it seems in front someone elses eyes

    ReplyDelete
  15. That's probably the most pathetic article I've ever read.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You said "probably",

      Considering you've only ever read three so far in your life, I'm not sure that's saying much.

      Did you read it or just look at the pictures as you always do?

      Delete
  16. Tattoos dnt make you look like acrminal or of lower intelligene. Dumb tattoos do this. I have multiple tattos and dont egret any of them nor do i get sick of them. Ink yourself up!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I want to do a written tattoo, but promise me that YOU won't do the spelling!

      Delete
  17. just another opinionated jackass is what you are

    Ben W.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry for having an opinion. I meekly apologize and offer to help you with the immense butthurt.

      Ointments. They always help, and not just with post-tattoomatic skin-stress-disorder.

      Delete
  18. Go fuck yourself asshole. I've got 14 tattoos already, you wanker.

    QueerChickenGirl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perhaps you can get a 15th one advertising my blog?

      Just a suggestion.

      Delete
  19. Thanks man. This helps a lot.

    ReplyDelete
  20. It´s abt opinion :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish I knew what "abt" was. Some kind of a special opinion? Some sort of a superior, detailed, logically impeccable and superbly explained opinion?

      Yes. Abt. It's abt all the way.

      Delete
  21. this is not... lol omgh

    ReplyDelete
  22. i would say that if you go to a good tattoo artist that has a portfolio of good fresh and healed tattoos and you invest in bapanthon and tattoo goo and heal it properly than youve got nothing to worry about if its your first tattoo than i wouldn't go for a painful aria such as the ribs spine under or inner arm nipples or any were down there go for a meaty bit of your body and take good care of it and i could not stress this enough dont get something you will regret 20 years down the line tattoos are permanent

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hello Again V,

    I must confess you grow on a person. I think I'll get your face tattooed on my back.
    At least I won't have to look at you if you're ugly. I laughed all the way through this one,
    but would like to get your take on these guys.

    http://www.weirdwonderfulweb.co.uk/2012/03/man-replaces-lost-arm-with-dolphin.html

    http://www.weirdwonderfulweb.co.uk/2011/10/shark-attacked-surfers-shark-bite.html

    L & L,
    Catherine

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If I have to grow on people than I prefer they be women. I don't want to grow on men, or be on men, or ride their backs, or be anywhere near them physically.

      I shall post a photo of myself soon, and then you can tattoo me, which I am sure has been a dream of yours ever since that shining moment when you discovered this moronic blog.
      Tattooing my mug on your back is a great idea, also because it will repel stalkers, criminals, and unwanted suitors. At least when you're on a beach - and they're considering sneaking up on ya from behind.

      I'll get back to you on those links you sent.

      Delete
  24. Hey V,

    I forgot to ask you in that last post. Do you realize how many Johnny Depp fans you pissed off with this one?
    Lots of lovely(although probably tattooed) girls in that group! I do enjoy his acting, but can't really say I would
    like him if I knew him otherwise.

    L,
    C

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I do. 11 Depp fans?

      This blog doesn't get enough traffic (aside from the vastly popular Tits Oscar lists) to piss off enough Johnny Depp fans. Unfortunately.

      Besides, you are assuming all of them can read or use the computer without a guardian. I very much doubt it.

      I like Johnny Depp a lot - as an actor. He is one of very few from his mostly wussy generation of effeminate transsexuals/metrosexual dweebs who doesn't annoy me at all, because he doesn't look like a woman and is very convincing in his parts.
      As a person? A different story. It's not that he's an asshole, coz he doesn't appear to be one, like most of the other self-centered egomaniacs in his world, but he is rather thick. Wasn't he one of those retards who left the States "because Bush got elected" or something like that?

      I have a biography of Depp on this blog, posted some time last year. My deep respect for the man is on display there, more than a match for this little response.

      Delete
  25. Not really sure why you care what others do? You are free to express yourself and maybe you can learn to respect others freedom to do the same.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, then I hope you can respect my freedom to question the stupidity of others.
      You tell me I am "free to express myself" yet you want to limit this quasi-freedom only to non-critical stuff. Right?
      If you felt confident that tattoos weren't retarded and a dumb fad, you wouldn't even bother posting here.

      Delete
  26. Since I'm too lazy to look for myself, but did you ever do a post about gauges and other piercings? (Because I noticed a few of the tattooed people had them and I know it's not a coincidence.)

    ReplyDelete
  27. This is utter bitch shit!

    For example: Pic #10 Did you really include a pic of this fat woman to make a point that her tattoos and piercings look ugly - and then you spew that politically-correct bullshit about "love yourself as you are" when she clearly NEEDS to lose weight, it's not those tattoos and piercings that make her look ugly, should be obvious if you're not blind...

    The only good thing about you is that you're at the very least not a left-wing idealist fuckhead (although your view on abortion suggests that you're a misanthrope after all), but that's about it. I have no idea why you're bitching about tattoos when there are actual problems to write about. Irrelevant shit is this blog about, for the most part.

    ReplyDelete