Sunday, 24 August 2014

"Happiness Is A Warm Gun" - The Rap Version

"Back in The USSR", "Dear Prudence", "Happiness Is A Warm Gun", and "Why Don't We Do It" are all songs from the "White Album" by the Beatles; pretty much some of their very best stuff on an otherwise not particularly interesting album.

So what's there to prevent any of these great classics getting butt-raped by present-day corporate-sponsored music-Nazis? I'm glad I haven't heard "Happiness" get cretinized by a vastly inferior music act - so far - but I do have to wonder why it is that no rapper, that I'm aware of, had covered it yet, given the nature of the lyrics, not to mention their love of desecrating old tunes of quality.

They can't sing, the poor hip-hoppian retards, but what's to stop them from turning this into yet another retarded rap orgy? Picture Jay-Zzz, Pooffy, Snoop, or any of the other arm-waving, shoelaces-less morons accompanied by their sycophantic homiez doing "backing vocals". It would go something like this...

Happiness Is A Warm Gun - The Hip-Hop Version

"She not a girl who misses much
(no, the ho don't miss much, no she fuckin' don't)
Do do dah dah pow pow boyee
The bitch be well acquainted with da touch of da velvet hand
Like a mofo lizard on a mothafackin' window pane
(whass a "pane"? whass a "pane"?)

Da nigga in da crowd with da multicoloured bullets
On his ghetto boots
(yo, ghetto gangsta! my bro did that ho)
Lyin' with his eyes while his hands are busy
(his hands be busy, they be busy bitch-slapping the foo')
Workin' overtime, pushing dope on yo' kids
A soap impression of his ho which he shot
And dumped in da ghetto in a garbage bag
(the ho deserve it! yo, cut the bitch up!)

I need a fix 'cause you goin' down
(yeah, yeah, some dope to get me cent-ared)
Down to da bits that I left uptown
(we chopped that nigga, yes we did)
I need a fix cause you goin' down
(but the ho stole all my crack, foo'!)

Motha Superior jump da gun
(she know she did, foo', da bitch know she did)
Motha Superior jump da gun
(mothafuckin' mofo bitch Motha, yeah, yeah)
Motha Superior jump da gun
(she be doin' some killin' of da livin')
Motha Superior jump da gun
(that street ho know she did, she know she did)
Motha Superior jump da gun
(she be doin' jump jump!, he-ey, ho-oh, he-ey, ho-oh)
Motha Superior jump da gun
(jump! jump! jump! She be gettin' jiggy with it)

Happiness is a warm machine-gun
yo, yo, yes it is, boyee
Bang Bang Shoot Shoot
(and ra-ta-ta-ta ra-ta-ta ka-boom! yo!)
Happiness is a warm machine-gun, brotha
Bang Bang Shoot Shoot
(yo, yo! da trigga killed da nigga)

When I hold ya in my bitch-slappin' arms
all bloddied, Oooooooooh, yeah, bitch!
(Who the man now! Who the man!)

And when I feel my finga on your trigga
Oooooooooh yeah, ho, I shoot ta kill, bitch
(he always shoot ta kill, he the man, ho! yo!)

Me knows nobody can do me no harm
Oh yeah, skank, you be all shot and dyin'!
(jump! jump! who the man now! jump! jump!)"

Wouldn't the kids just love it...

Btw, if anyone reading this is brave enough to do this rap song themselves, post it on YouTube and leave the link here. I am sure that's exactly what the music world needs.

Yo, here's the original version, for the foo's out there who be not well educated with Beatles lore, bitch:

Pow-pow-pow pow, bang bang bang bang, boyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!